I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
