The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
