I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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