Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
