hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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