Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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