Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
