Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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