batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
