drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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