Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
