She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize