I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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