Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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