i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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