I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dicks are not precious.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
