2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
