You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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