CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Less talking, more tequila
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
