i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
