Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
