I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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