if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize