yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
