I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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