Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
