plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
