so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
