Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
