She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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