I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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