Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my shit smells like andre
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
