I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
