Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
