you traded sex for a burrito?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
