I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize