saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
