Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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