Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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