The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
