Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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