I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
