i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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