Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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