So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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