The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i wish my penis had a tongue
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
