so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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