My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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