Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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