So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize