Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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