OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
