good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
