my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
