wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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