Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think your dad took our porno
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
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