Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
