we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
