never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
