Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
