Do you still have your period?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I checked into jail on foursquare
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
