Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
