Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
