whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
