once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
