just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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