Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
