Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
