we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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