hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
