How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize