if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize