I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
someone owes me an orgasm
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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