i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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