yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
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